she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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