Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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