Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
