I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
