I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
