What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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