Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
it's not cheating when I paid for it
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
