Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
