we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
now i know why i became what i already was.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize