I need to stop coming to work sober
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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