spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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