i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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