so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
