2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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