Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize