You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize