I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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