You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
