Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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