I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
