I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
