Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
