Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
