she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
