She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Did I show you my penis last night?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
