haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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