need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
