A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I am available for nakedness
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
