Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize