Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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