From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
