3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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