Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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