Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
