I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
