theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
