Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
