Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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