he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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