oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
