Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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