I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
birth control should be required to get into college
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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