you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
