Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
