My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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