the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
