At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
