I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
