i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
