I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
