i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
