what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i would punch a child for taco bell
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
