He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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