His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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