Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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