it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
