i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize