I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
