Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
