just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
