Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
