so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
