I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
