No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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