It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
