You're earring is so big in my mouth
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
