Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
